nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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