When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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