i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.