The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh