I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.