No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize