he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
