she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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