it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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