if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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