remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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