I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
