seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize