We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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