I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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