a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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