You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
