I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
