I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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