he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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