Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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