I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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