My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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