I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize