she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch