Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.