his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written