I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs