but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack