If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.