woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?