Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!