a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
