he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
