My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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