I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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