there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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