Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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