Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
