I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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