found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.