Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.