i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.