Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier