Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...