ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize