I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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