but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
