Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
