Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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