You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall