Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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