he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
