sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
