Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize