Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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