you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
