Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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