its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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