Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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