Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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