My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
