A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
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Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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